jawsh.mccullaugh.com -- Maybe paper bag man's got
something experimental. Just a thought...
The Bad Guy:
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jawsh.mccullaugh.com -- Dude, I seriously want a briefcase
just like that. That would be really frickin awesome.
The Bad Guy
Part 6: The New Briefcase
Back to my office, I sit down on my chair
and plop my new briefcase down on the desk. It had a real nice
plop to it when I put it on the desk; a nice, official sounding plop
like one might expect to come from a leather briefcase. I took a
nice, long look at the dark red handle and thumped it against the
briefcase. Thump.
That's also a nice sound.
Admiring the brass latches, I turned the key, pushed
back the buttons, and watched the latches flip up ever so
energetically. Ah, yes,
I thought to myself, the sound of
flipping latches. Could there be a better sound?
Staring the latches over again, I applauded the way the light glistened
on their smoothly rounded edges. Yes, some fine craft work went
into those latches. A good artist did a fine job indeed.
Upon opening the briefcase, I found something very
strange. A note was stuck in the slot just behind the one for
putting your personal business card. The note read, "A note from
the author: As of this episode, the briefcase no longer has any
symbolic reference to real life. As least, not any specific
reference." What a strange note to find in a briefcase.
It's as though there's someone out there writing my every next move,
someone who controls everything I know. Maybe I'm even symbolic
to someone, somewhere, in a different reality. Maybe there really
is a non-fiction reality out there and it's not just a theory.
Nah, that just sounds like balderdash. There's no possible way it
could be true. Someone's just trying to mess with me.
Now that I've got
a briefcase, what should I put in it? I wondered. I tried
to think of what people put in their briefcases. Do they just
carry them around to look cool? No, that's definitely not
it. If that were the case, why would briefcases open and
close? Then it dawned on me: Why not put a notebook in my
briefcase? And so I did. Then I put some other various
items in there like a pencil, some business cards, and a book on how to
detective. Now I'll look super serious.
Now that I had the briefcase, I was ready to solve
the case. But how to catch the eye of the man with the paper
bag? Then I remembered: Penguin stickers. I was going to
put a penguin sticker on my briefcase. So I got out the packet of
penguin stickers that the awesomest person in the world gave me for
Christmas and I put one on the briefcase. Yes, with this penguin
on my briefcase, nothing could stop me now. Not only that, but
paper bag man would totally stop in his tracks to look at the
awesomeness of this fine looking briefcase enhanced with a penguin
sticker.
Paper bag man... dude, that sounds kinda cool.
That makes him sound like a worthy adversary, an adversary which can
only be defeated by the finest of detectives out there. That
detective will need to have a woody looking office, a brown jacket, and
a briefcase with a penguin sticker. That detective is none other
than me. I shall swear
to go forth in pursuit of the paper bag man, tracing his every track,
following his every move, and foiling his every plan. I will
endeavor to pursue him dutifully, never stopping for anything, not even
to look out the window to watch the birds in the morning. I will
not rest until he is stopped. I will not even waste time to go to
the bathroom. Well, okay, maybe I'll stop for that. That's
kind of important. I should probably even eat every now and
then. They say that eight hours of sleep a night is a pretty good
thing to do too. Also, I need to take time to go to church and
stuff. I should probably try to maintain a social life as
well. But still, I intend on catching the paper bag man if it's
the last thing I do. And that, will be my destiny.
Read part 5, or go on to
part 7.
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