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Quote of the week: "If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness." --Jack Handy QOTW archive |
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The Bad GuyPart 1: The detective dude I was sitting down in my office when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Naturally, I answered the door, as people often do when they hear a knock. It's just part of the way society has conditioned us. We act based on the ways that we see others act. Certain customs have grown to become part of our culture because of this very thing. Kind of like how we say "bless you" after someone sneezes. It's just our nature. The way we act based on how others act. Anyways, someone knocked on my door and I answered it. I said, "Who's there?" as I often do. "Ann Anonymous Source," was the reply. Ann Anonymous Source, what a weird name, I thought. Who would name their child anonymous. At least it was their middle name. "Come on in, Ms. A. Source," I said. I heard a small giggle and the voice say, "You're so funny." I often have that effect on people. They think I'm funny, even when I don't do anything that I can see as funny. It's very strange. Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it? Speaking of wondering, I wonder what it would be like to be able to speak chinese fluently. Wouldn't that be interesting? Anyway, I decided that I should probably get back to speaking english, and so I did. I said, "What can I do for you?" "I was walking down Blugivard Lane with my husband and we saw a suspicious man. We decided to keep walking and we entered the closest store. From that store we looked out the window, since something seemed to be not quite right. Then, the guy went into a run down house and came out with a paper bag and a smirk on his face." Ann went on with a few more details about the guy. At least, I think she did. Anyway, I decided that I'd go ahead and take the case. Man, "take the case." That sounds so... official. Like taking a briefcase. I should get one of those. "Do you know where I could get a good briefcase?" I asked Ann. "Why does that matter?" she inquired. Inquired, that's another good professional word. "Well, you see," I explained, "A briefcase would be a great way to stun the suspicious individual. He sounds like the type of man who would be impressed by a good briefcase. If I could distract him with an excellent looking briefcase, I could easily start a conversation with him. Once I get him talking, it will be a lot easier to gather background information about him. Then, solving the case will be like slicing tomatoes. Slicing nice, soft tomatoes." "Wow, you're pretty creative," Ann said. That's what my teachers always told me in elementry school when I would tell them about my home. Elementry school was really weird. Everyone said the craziest things back then. "Well, thank you for the tips, if you could just leave a written report of everything you saw with my secretary, I think we can get to the bottom of this," I said. Written reports are so helpful. It helps me keep track of the case. Man, I gotta get me a good briefcase. Time to check out: Part 2 |
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