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"If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness." --Jack Handy
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jawsh.mccullaugh.com -- Maybe paper bag man's got something experimental. Just a thought... The Bad Guy:
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jawsh.mccullaugh.com -- A poorly named episode for a poorly named story.

The Bad Guy


Part 5: The Christmas Episode

   There I was.  That's a good way to start a paragraph.  It has a nice ring to it.  It sort of sounds like something that would begin a movie.  I think that it would be a great way to begin a movie.  If this were a movie, I'd begin it by saying, "There I was."  Then I'd say, "Right there in my office.  I was sitting there eating a bagel, because that's what I do.  Bagels sure are a nice way to start the day, especially if you put peanut butter on them.  Peanut butter goes good on a lot of things, like bananas.  Peanut butter is great for hypoglycemic people because it's got protein in it.  That's a good thing.  Very good... Triangle."  Triangle's a nice way to end a sentence I think.

    Anyway, I started off to get a briefcase.  I was just walking along when I looked up in the sky and I thought I saw an alien in the clouds.  That's kinda weird, I thought.  I wonder why aliens would be in the clouds.  Maybe it's a secret plot to take over the earth, or steal all of our thoughts.  Yeah, that's it.  Of course, maybe they've already taken everything we have to know.  But why would they still be lingering around?  Oh well.

    It was taking awhile to get there, so I started running.  Running is a very tiring exercise.  I'll bet one could get a bit of good exercise from running.  Maybe I could start tracking all of my exercise.  I could put it into a log of sorts.  I'll bet it would be a lot easier to remember if I had a class in which I had to do that.  Well, maybe not.  I'd probably forget to do it and end up having to take the class twice.  Somehow, I get the feeling that it might be better the second time around.  Yes, I'd probably look forward to going to class each time the second time around.  Just my luck I'd probably break my arm and not be able to do much though.  Except run.

    That running was getting a bit tiring though so I decided to slow down and cool off.  Caves are generally pretty cool.  Maybe I could go caving.  It'd probably be pretty muddy though and full of hole punchers dangling from ceilings.  The hole punchers could be used to punch holes in your cavers card, and once you get enough holes, you could get a loaf of bread.  The bread would probably be kinda moldy though since it'd be old.  I assume it'd be old since it'd be free.  And left in a cave.

    I ended up stopping by the DVD store on the way.  I found a DVD there that was a monologue by Jim Crowkins.  There's only one other person I know that's a Jim Crowkins fan, so I picked up a copy for her.  Um... Triangle.

    I had to cross a bridge to get where I was going.  Whilst I was crossing the bridge, I happened to see a golf ball in the water.  So, now I've got a golf ball.  It's a real nice golf ball.  Somehow, whenever I see that golf ball, it brings back good memories.  Good memories once I weed out one certain detail.  Some guy that could have been somewhere else, that's all.  I hope he's not reading this.

    Later on, I decided to stop and get some lunch.  I stopped by some generic place and ended up with rice.  I wonder why there's almost always rice for lunch there.  I mean, is it healthy to eat so much rice?  I guess the Chinese do it, so it must be good.  Maybe this is like eating Chinese.  One would think that it might not be very vegetarian to eat Chinese, but it's okay for veggies cause tofu is vegetarian.  Do you have any idea how hard that was to include in a non-humorous way?  Makes you wonder why I did it or if there's any certain theme to all of these ramblings this time.

    So here's the end of this journey.  The briefcase shop.  It was a good journey getting here.  A lot more events that happened that I'd like to put in here and for some reason, I wish the journey would have taken a bit longer.  But here I am.  Now, I'm going inside to get the briefcase.  Never thought that it'd be such a weird feeling receiving it.  Receiving the briefcase is supposed to be a happy moment, but it's a sad moment.  I wish that I could go back and relive the journey to coming here.  There were so many great things on the journey but I guess that I have to move on now.  I've got to find the man with the paper bag.  I've got to keep moving on.  I think that I'll put a penguin sticker on the briefcase though.  (Yet another good memory.)


AUTHORS NOTE:  The briefcase originally wasn't supposed to be symbolic of anything.  However, in this episode, receiving the briefcase is symbolic to the end of the fall semester.  I wanted to make receiving the briefcase a happy moment, but couldn't.  Not after I thought about the direction this episode was heading.  Since this episode was dedicated to Jennifer, I wanted to make it the one where he receives the briefcase.  Receiving the briefcase was supposed to be a happy thing, because hanging out with really good friends such as Jennifer is a happy thing.  But somehow, I just had to ruin it.  Don't take that last sentence too far, I'm just talking about ruining the briefcase thing.  Also, not everything that the detective did in this story were things that specifically I did.  Actually, I wasn't the one who found the golf ball.  And really, this is the only episode in which any of the events are events that are part of my life.  Just the character is supposed to be based off of me.  Anyway, in case you're wondering why this episode is dedicated to Jennifer, maybe you should have a look at this main page.  So far it's the only one I've saved.
Update: Okay, so this is a really late update, but I just figured I should put this in here. The Jennifer girl that was mentioned in this article (and several others) actually ended up being my girlfriend for a little while. Anyway, quite a while back it was discovered that things really couldn't work out that way, and so we've parted ways. Just putting this in here now so as to save from questions later. And yes, I will be keeping these pages here, as they mark a big part of my life.

Read Part 4, or read Part 6 because we've still got to catch the guy with the paper bag.

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