jawsh.mccullaugh.com -- Maybe paper bag man's got
something experimental. Just a thought...
The Bad Guy:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
or:
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jawsh.mccullaugh.com -- I wish I had one of those cool
circular beds.
The Bad Guy
Part 3: Later that evening...
Finally at home I decided to enter the
door to my house. Entering the door somehow seems a lot better
than climbing in the window. People get less suspicious if you
enter through the door than through the window. I personally
don't see the difference. They're both entrances to the same
building. If a bird flies in the window people don't think that
any thing's wrong with the bird. The thing that really bugs me is
that birds can't talk. If a person can't talk, there's something
wrong with the person but birds get away with it. Man, I really
wish I was a bird. Then I could enter buildings through the
window rather than having to enter the door. Stupid doors.
Anyway, I entered the door and went inside.
Yes, I did both at the same time. Entering the door, and entering
the building. It's like they're linked. Kinda like how bad
guys are always the criminals. Why is it that way? Why
can't good guys be criminals too? It's just not fair. I
wanna be a window entering criminal but I can't cause I'm a good
guy. So, I did the next best thing: I became a detective.
Being a detective is cool. You get to solve
crimes and await the day you can crawl into a window without people
thinking you're weird. You get to find out about bad people and
stop them before they commit their diabolical plan. Speaking of
diabolical plans, I wonder what that one girly guy with the paper bag
is up to. He's really quite the mysterious man.
Ring Ring. The telephone rang.
"If you value the life of your wife and children,
you'll listen to me," said a spooky voice on the other end. I
hung up because I don't have a wife and kids. Stupid people prank
calling me. I'll bet they're the reason I have to enter doors.
Ring Ring. The telephone rang
again.
"Dude, this is the last time I'm warning you."
"Good!" I said. I hate these prank
callers. They're almost as bad as telemarketers. Stupid
telemarketers trying to offer me lower rates on long distance. If
I wanted long distance, I would buy it. I don't need to be told
of it's existence.
"...and so if you don't comply, there will be
trouble. You understand?" Yeah,
I understand that you need to speak more clearly. Some
idiot.
"No, could you repeat that please?"
"Hey, don't mess around with me kid! You
better not cross me again or you'll get it FOR SURE! Just don't
mess with me, okay?" Click.
The phone hung up. Must be that I need better phone
service. Those guys at the telephone company are always messing
with my phone. But then again, why should I complain? It
was just some stupid prank caller anyway.
Leaving the phone, I decided to make some
supper. What to eat was the big question. It's questions
like these that set our days apart from each other. These types
of questions are what make up the differences in our days. I
mean, how boring would life be if you had the same thing every
day? It would be extremely boring. I mean, you might as
well always sleep on the same bed every night instead of having two or
three different shaped beds. Cause, that's what it'd be like if
you ate the same thing every night for supper.
So, I put my hand into the fridge and pulled out
some ketchup. Ketchup is a good thing to keep in the fridge, you
know. It's the foundation of condiments. Without ketchup,
you could have no potatoes. Without potatoes, however, you could
still have ketchup. It's just one of those types of things.
I decided to get a potato as well. Potatoes
are great. One time, I saw a sign that said "Killer Potatoes for
Sale." I saw that sign just a week or two after seeing the movie,
"Attack of the Killer Tomatoes." I didn't know what song I should
sing to the potatoes to make them not kill me, so I decided to not go
to that stand. I don't want to be killed by a potato.
Anyway, I decided to have a baked potato with
ketchup. Come to think of it, why am I telling you this?
This has nothing to do with anything.
So... um... where was I before I... oh yeah, the
phone call. Upon further reflection, I decided to investigate
that phone call. Maybe it wasn't a prank call after all.
Maybe it came from the guy with the paper bag. But why would he
think I have a wife and children? I mean, I've never had any luck
at all with the women. Never even had one girlfriend, come to
think of it. The women just never really cared for me. They
would say nice things about me, but that's it. Kinda
frustrating. But, such is the way of life.
Well, I thought some more about that phone call, but
I didn't know where to start. Figured I'd just worry about it
tomorrow when I got back to the office. But little did I realize,
that would be a big mistake.
Read Part 2 or go on to Part 4.
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