The History of TV Advertising

Here at FrillerIdiot.com, we've been "researching" on our "trusted websites" for "valuble information" about the history of America.  One of the great aspects of America is advertising.  Advertisements originated in America for the sole purpose of giving telecasters something to put in the commercial breaks on TV.  Other common uses for advertisements are stuff to put on billboards (which were named after Bill Board, the same guy who invented board meetings.)  We at FrillerIdiot.tk have sent out our research analysist to gather lots of data pertaining to the advertising history.  Condosleeza Riceandbeans, our research analysist, got together with William Board and Important Announcements and has come back with some very interesting and commonly unknown information on the history of advertising.  We call this interview: "Advertisements that Didn't Quite Make It Mainstream."

 How Advertising Became a Large Part of Television

Interview by Some Guy

 Guy:  So, what valuble information have you found about the history of advertising.

 Riceandbeans:  Well, what I have here is a list of advertisements that didn't quite end up making it on public television.

 Guy:  What prevented these advertisements from being broadcasted publicly.

 Riceandbeans:  Well, most of these ad's didn't pass the executive branch of whatever company they were advertising for.  Some got past there, but the broadcasting service wouldn't allow them on the air for their own reasons.

 Guy:  Oh, okay.  Now, I've heard that one of your resources for this compilation was Important Announcements.   Now, who is Important Announcements.

 Riceandbeans:  Important Announcements is the guy who officially passes all advertisements before they end up on public television.

 Guy:  How did he get that position?  I mean, what makes him the special guy who-

 Riceandbeans:  If you'd shut up and let me continue, you wouldn't have wasted your breath.  I was getting to that already.

 Guy:  Oh, sorry about that.  My deepest apologies.

 Riceandbeans:  Important Announcements invented television.  He owns all of the airspace.  He bought it from the government for just $49.99 plus shipping and handling.  In order to appear on television, you have to sign an agreement with Important Announcements.  Part of the agreement is that you have to stop every now and then for Important Announcements so that he can play some advertisements.  There is actually a very interesting story involved behind it.  Would you like me to tell it?

 Guy:  By all means, go ahead.

 Riceandbeans:  Announcements used to have a really junky car that he pretty much hated.  One day, it broke.  Then he realized how much he needed that car.  So, for a while, he was carpooling with William Board for a while.  Then one day, Board offered Announcements a new car.  Announcements accepted the offer but there was another end of the deal that Announcements had to keep up.  Announcements had to make every broadcaster stop every so often and allow several advertisements to be made.  Then, half of the money would go to Board.  And so that is why there are advertisements on TV today.

 Guy:  I understand that you actually have a list of Advertisements that didn't make it on television.  Am I correct?

 Riceandbeans:  You sure are.

 Guy:  How did these ads fail.

 Riceandbeans:  Some were rejected by the companies CEO, some were rejected by the head of the Advertising departement, some were rejected by Important Announcements himself. 

 For your convienience, we have posted the list right here:

 

Advertisiments that didn't make it 

 Wal-Mart:  One time one of our prices went so low so fast that it fell down and killed a customer.

 CVS Pharmacy:  The trusted drug dealers.

 Advil:  Take a couple pills, kills the pain.  Take a million pills, kills the body.   Try our wonderful dual-function pain killer today.

 Dell:  Dude, I got a hernia.  While unpacking: remember to lift with your knees, not your back.

 Serta:  Check it out.  A one day event.  We're not having a sale.

 Apple:  Check out our new Intel based iMac.  Now uses the same old  processor as any other PC making it nothing new at all.

 MSN:  With the butterfly, everything seems like it should cost less.  That's why we cost twice as much as basic DSL.  But we have a butterfly.  And it seems like we should cost less.  That makes up for our low speed Dial-up internet.

 AOL:  Our gay little yellow guy is the annoying idiot that says, "You've got mail!"

  eBay:  Bid on your neighbors old crap today.

 Microsoft:  Vista.  Almost caught up technologically with everyone else.


TI-89:  The calculator so complex it takes an 80 page manual to understand.

Summary

Advertising has made a large effect on our community.  So large of an impact in our lives, I thought it would be great to write about it.  That's why I made this up.  I mean, researched this out carefully.  Okay, okay, I made up William Board and Condosleeza Riceandbeans too.  And even my own name.  I made that up.  Please don't kill me.

Disclaimer: The chances that even 5% of the stuff on this page is true are very slim.  Very, very, slim.