The Wild and Wacky Water Caper
Episode 7: Mr. Who?
"Mr. Computer, I need you!"
Shortly after I said that, some music began to play. I'd play the music for you for thouroughness, but I can't. Wonder why? Well maybe it's be because a certain Chief Geordi won't let me do these as a audio documentary! What did I say about documenting sound?
"�Hol�, y bienviendo a `Learning Spanish� Tape Side one. Para empezar..."
I hit the stop button. Whoops, wrong tape. I should learn to put the data tape back into the cassette drive when I'm done. Try to get some education during lunch and look what happens. Embarrassment. That's what.
Cynthia had a quizzical look on her face. "Wait, so you're actually going for learning Spanish? I didn't think you'd actually do it."
"Well of course. I'm sure bilingual abilities would be very useful in this line of work." That answered her question, now to answer yours.
What am I assuming is your question? Well, of course you want to know how it is that my reports can end up posted to the internet, but I'm looking up recent records on a computer that loads from casette. I mean, quite a difference on technology levels, isn't it? I agree. It is. Frustrating, yeah? Try being me.
No, really. You should try being me sometime. You don't need to be the real me, although that would be way more awesome from a "how did you do that?" standpoint, but you know... like... video games or something. I think it'd be fun to be a character in a video game. It'd be a cool experience, maybe a cool adventure. You know... A Video-Cool Adventure. That'd be neat.
Anyway, back to looking up medical records on the "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I need to know this right now."
"Who is that child who keeps running around all the time flailing her arms about and running and yelling all the time? It's very distracting slash disturbing."
"What? You mean Waaaaaaaaaaaaaanda? You know, like Wanda, but she's all 'Waaaaaaaaa' so it's...."
You kidding me? "Cynthia, when you attempt a joke, it's neither required, nor recommended, nor recompensable, nor any other r-word to follow it with an explanation."
"Hey, I can be funny too. I'm just not accustomed to it is all."
"Anyway, as I was attempting to say, her name is Wanda, and I have no idea what her problem is." Cynthia stuck her head out the window for a moment. "Hey! Wanda! Can you play somewhere else?"
Waaaaaaanda didn't acknowledge her, but she did waaaaaaaaander off somewhere else. See? That's how you do it.
Medical records though! We're doing this, and we're going to get it done in this chapter! I don't care if this gets unusually long, it's happening! We WILL do this!
What is our favorite detective going to do when he finally opens the records up on the computer? Find out next time in...
I've got the s-tape loaded, and we're looking up Swollenspepper. There he is, Harvey Swollenspepper. Let's look up what perscriptions he's getting from the Phar-market.
"Well... this is disappointing." I looked up a Cynthia.
Cynthia looked back at me, then at the screen I beaconed to. "Band-aids?" She sighed. "Who get's a perscription for band-aids? They're not even band-aid brand band-aids. Is that legal? Can they do that?"
I've got a better question.
"Oh, that was out loud. Hmm... Anyway, yeah. I've got a better question. If Harvey Swollenspepper only has a perscription for band-aids, what medicine was he taking?"
Cynthia looked at me like I was an idiot. She does this a lot, but this one was, like, double or something. "I've got a better question, and I'm going to let you figure it out."
Are you serious?
"Yes, I am. You're the big detective. You've been detecting longer than I have, and you're the one who's trained me, so you should be able to figure out what this question is. Go for it."
Man, I've really got to start paying attention to whether I'm thinking out loud or not. "Okay... I'm assuming this is something that I should know already..."
Cynthia coughed and looked toward her report. You remember, the one about the autopsy?
What did they find in the autopsy.
"Yeah?" Cynthia was smiling.
"If he took a medicine right before he died, wouldn't that medicine in particular appear in his corpse?"
Cynthia looked confused and upset for a second. Then she put a stupid look on her face as well. "Why in the CRAP did I NOT ask this question to Mr. Skorcavilitz? I'm all carrying on about what we've found, but I SHOULD be focused what we didn't find. No, the question I was going to ask was where the propofol come from, but no. Let's solve this first!"
Did... did... did I blow Cynthia's mind? That's not a thing... right?
Will they find what the medication was? Will they find out whether he was taking medication? Will they find out where...
"NO YOU DIDN'T BLOW MY MIND!!!! YOU JUST TEMPORARILY THOUGHT OF SOMETHING FASTER IS ALL!!!!!"
Crap. That was out loud.
I'm done getting interrupted.
I said I'm done.
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