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Quote of the week: "If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness." --Jack Handy QOTW archive |
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The Bad GuyPart 11: Hey, it's got ones! "The people of the community are what helped make this company what it is today. Those of you who purchased our mustard throughout the years are the ones that... hey, wait a sec... I know you! I told you not to cross me again. What the crap do you think you're doing? Look, get in the back room right now or else I'll have to deal with you later," said the paper bag man. Come to think of it, that's always kind of something I've wondered about though. Why do bad guys always say things like, "do this or I'll deal with you later." Wouldn't it be the obvious thing to not do the thing that was just mentioned and instead to run off and do something else in the hopes that they'd forget that they were going to do that thing? I mean, if I were a bad guy, I'd totally not do that at all. Instead, I'd be all like, "Do this thing now so that I won't have to worry about you later cause I might forget." Yeah, that'd probably still make them run off. But then again, what if the paper bag man just wanted to give me... "That's right, I've got a special surprise for you," he said. So, since my theory was true, it must be a present. I like presents. One time for christmas I got these penguin stickers. They were pretty frickin awesome. In fact, I've even got one on my briefcase. You know, I really like that briefcase. Did I ever tell you about it? You know, I remember the first time I evem thought about getting a briefcase: "I was walking down Blugivard Lane with my husband and we saw a suspicious man. We decided to keep walking and we entered the closest store. From that store we looked out the window, since something seemed to be not quite right. Then, the guy went into a run down house and came out with a paper bag and a smirk on his face." Ann went on with a few more details about the guy. At least, I think she did. Anyway, I decided that I'd go ahead and take the case. Man, "take the case." That sounds so... official. Like taking a briefcase. I should get one of those. "Hey mister, I've got a quick question for you: We're you ever walking down Blugivard Lane?" I inquired. "Blugivard Lane?" he asked, hesitantly. "Yeah, I think I heard about you walking down Blugivard Lane in the past. You had a paper bag in your hand." "Hey, dude I said don't mess with me! Look, if you don't keep your little mouth shut, you're going to have a lot more to worry about than if I was walking down Blugivard Lane or not." Man, some people, I'll tell ya, some people are really confusing. First I thought he was going to give me a present and now it's not even seeming to come close to being that way at all. Maybe he's bipolar. Yeah, that's it, bipolar. You know what that sounds like? It sounds like he's got two legs. That would mean that everyone's bipolar. Cause, "everyone's got two legs." [citation needed] So anyway, I decided to follow him back to the back room quietly. But then I looked over to my left and... then I saw that I'm going to be stuck in motion for awhile cause time seems to stop right about now. In fact, it can even rewind to part 10. |
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